On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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