oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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