I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
