We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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