Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
