my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? ðð
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night