I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
