Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
