I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
