i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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