I hate your face
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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