so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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