When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
