in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
