I think I died a long time ago.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
