Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
