the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
