32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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