I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
