did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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