I need help removing her.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
