Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
