i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
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We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
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The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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