People in love make me want to vomit
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
