Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
