my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
