Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
