I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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