i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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