he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
When are your genitals available?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
