PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
