my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
