you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
