I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
