You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
