its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
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