so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
