if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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