I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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