HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
