ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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