All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
