When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
When did angry sex become our thing?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
