Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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