I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
