Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
