The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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