Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
