yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
