I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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