1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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