people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
