I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
