I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
