There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
