just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
so much tequila, so little girl.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
