oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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