after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
