On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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