He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
