i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
