Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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