That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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