Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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