Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
