I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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