these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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