Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
