More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
