Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
