Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
A bitchslap is in order.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
