But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
