Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
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Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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