I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
