The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
