cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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