Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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