Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
