Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Less talking, more tequila
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
