why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
